The feeling of being let down

The feeling of being let down is possibly one of the worst ever. You're dumbfounded. Shocked. Surprised. Puzzled. Disappointed. Pissed. Sad. Angry. Insane. Probably all of the above and more.

I have been let down by humans. Over and over again. But I guess I am still counting my blessings. There are people who feel they've been let down by God. I've not reached that stage yet. I possibly could. That's why I have to strengthen myself in faith all the time. I'm only human. I'm not a saint. I can never say never, that I would never ever feel let down by God. I KNOW that God won't ever let you down but I can never ever say, I will never turn away from God. How sure am I of that? I hold on to the Almighty with all my human might and I say I never want to, but I won't ever know, will I? I never want to but the evil one wants me to. So it plunders and plunders into the depths of my heart, stabbing, piercing and hurting me. The evil one doesn't come to me in a red suit wielding his fork. The evil one uses humans around you and me. Humans who are at their weakest, spiritually. Ah, the pain of being let down. By humans whom you thought you could always rely on. Humans you thought you knew so well. Humans you thought would always be true to you, the way you are to them. Sometimes, it's a long cycle. You're let down, you get your apologies, then you're let down again and then you get your apologies. You do the same to people. I'm no acception. How tiring and trying. I'm just beginning to see how tiresome this can be for God, hearing our apologies and forgiving us our sins committed over and over again. How do we ensure that we can pick ourselves up after being let down or how do we ensure we don't let God or others down again?

Far be it for me to teach you how to strengthen your faith when mine is in shambles. I can only say that I talk to God more often. I pray. I just talk, like I would a friend. A friend I respect. A friend whom I can reply on. I joke with Him. I ask Him questions. I'm sometimes apologetically upset. By that, I mean, I'm half angry with people or even Him and half apologetic for daring to be angry. I tell Him exactly how I feel and what I'm going through (even though He already knows). I basically just talk. Then I listen. The listening part is probably the hardest. It always makes it easier to hear Him after I've prayed in tongues.

When I do hear Him, He can only be awesome. God is the best counsel. Try it. It may work for you. If you don't hear Him, it's not because He's silent. Open your heart and listen. It's probably never going to be an audible voice of God speaking, if that's what you're looking for. It's the message that flows into your mind and heart. It's like a person speaking but in a silent language that only you can hear. Then you have to discern if it is God speaking to you. I have my conversations with Him while driving, while showering, while lying on the bed in darkness or I usually spend time in Adoration Room if I'm looking for no interruptions and if I am discerning. Adoration Room is my favourite. I don't have audible conversations with God in there. I hear Him and He hears me : ) We have silent bantering.

Just find a pocket of time to do it. If you can eventually do so, you may even do it while crossing a crowded intersection with hundreds of others swirling around you. I prefer privacy but hey, whatever works for you.

It is God and only God who can give you strength. Draw your strength from Him. When all the humans on this planet have let you down, you still have God. He won't let you down.

"But remember the Lord your God, He himself has provided you with strength so that He may fulfill his covenant, about which He swore to your fathers, just as the present day reveals." ~ Deuteronomy 8:18