Medical check up again

Anyone reading my blog might think I'm a pretty sick person. I mean literally sick as in diseased. I've in the past year, had to go to 3 different hospitals to check on my knee, my colon and my ovaries! But in all, I'm not as sick as I sound. I actually look normal and feel normal!

My knee is I would say about 80% recovered. On days I wear the 'wrong' pair of shoes or walk in a way which might twist my ankles, my knee starts to act up. I'd say I'm done with physiotherapy. This may apply to my case only but I pretty much stopped going for my physio sessions and my knee actually felt less painful! It's not fully recovered. Let's just say, squat loos are no longer on my list of favourites (even if I think they are cleaner than soiled toilet seats)!

My colon has been given a clean bill of health. No apparent cysts even though I had several bleeding episodes that scared the sh*t out of me. I have internal piles and despite having them ligated, the colon doctor advised me this morning that they would likely return. Suddenly, I'm thinking of Arnie's "I'll be back!".
Ok, only internal piles. I can live with that. So my backside is still in pretty good shape, considering.

Ah, my ovaries. My womb. You're as irregular as it gets. I DID get started on the birth control pills and I'm on my 5th day. Side effects?

Day One - Sudden pain/twitch in heart area. Came and went. Sudden cramp in left ovary area. Came and went.

Day Two - Boobs hurt. Limbs hurt. Knee hurting more obviously today. Other joints seem to hurt too when walking. What the heck is going on? Notice dark clouds and perhaps it's not the pills but the weather after all.

Day Three - Boobs still hurt. Arms ache. Legs ache. Is my back aching? Is it my mattress? My sleeping position? Or is it the darn pills? Sudden pain/twitch in heart area again. Came and went.

Day Four - Boobs ache. Knee hurts.

Day Five - Knee hurts. Joints seem to still be aching.

General observations:
- Don't feel the cold / heat like I did with Norethisterone.
- Do feel like coughing immediately after taking pill, just like with Norethisterone.
- Boobs don't seem to have grown any bigger. Ha ha.

I had a medical check up this morning with the doc over my recent colonoscopy and I had continued taking the pill the past few days because I didn't want a period to arrive now if I had stopped it suddenly. Speaking of which, when one is on the 21 day pill, did you know that the bleeding you get during the 7 day break isn't a real menstrual flow at all? Simplistically put, what happens is you're not ovulating at all. No eggs are released because the hormones in the pills are making sure they don't. (I have something to add to this later*). If one continues taking the pill without a break, you wouldn't even see a monthly flow. The 7 day break is to allow you to bleed so that you will psychologically feel that you are having your menses.
So for me, if I was having irregular menses, this doesn't make sense at all. At least in the past, I was having REAL menstrual periods on my own. Ok, I'm not a doctor, nothing of the above I've said is medically justifiable. I'm just rambling on and on in my own thoughts.

*Now, what I wanted to say about the eggs. If you're on a birth control pill and your ovaries DO get released and a sperm DOES meet the egg to fertilize it, the hormones in the pill will try its best to ensure that your womb lining is undesirable enough so that the fertilized egg can't implant itself on the wall. It just gets flushed out.
It's not my job to tell you what that means. You may not even know that it has happened. But now..... you know, that it CAN happen.

Sheesh. I didn't tell you that so I could judge you. I wrote that so that I could go ponder it myself.
Now that I don't have a check up lined up anytime soon, I should be able to stop taking the pill. Or should I? I asked God and I received His answer but I'm being stubborn. Life is complicated sometimes. Or is it us who complicate life?

Update 29/10/10 : Stopped taking the pill today. Decided to let my body be free from drugs for a while and to heck with irregular cycles.

PCOS Update

My newly issued Birth Control Pills



I just had my second transabdominal scan and invasive scan a week or more ago. The doc said the results showed everything to be fine (Praise the Lord!) but that did not mean I did not have PCOS. I still had it. I was puzzled and asked wide-eyed if they had seen any cysts and she looked again at the scan report and said, no, I was all clear! She said, the thing about PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) is sometimes, the scans show up fine and sometimes, they don't. But, I still had PCOS.

I've been on Norethisterone for some time now. I told the doc that I didn't like it because cold felt really cold and hot felt really hot. I would perspire like crazy just from walking abit and then if I entered an air-conditioned room, I'd feel so cold. This doc agreed that this was a side effect of Norethisterone. She said one could only be on Norethisterone for a limited period of time only. Not for too long. I was glad to be off it. I had prior to the visit, contemplated stopping it altogether and to heck with irregular periods.

The doc decided to put me on a 3 month trial with a birth control pill. I should have started taking it a week ago but I was hesitating. I was praying about it. I was asking God what to do? What does one do in such a situation?

I know there are medical consequences if I don't try to regulate my menstrual cycle. As a Catholic, it is difficult to come to terms with this. On the one hand, as a mother of two teenagers (and even if I think 3 is a nice number of kids to have) I don't think that in my 40s and at this stage in my life, I'm prepared to have a new child. But I'm learning that everything is up to the Lord and in His time. So I ask the Lord to please bless instead, others who want to have a baby so much. Meanwhile, will God understand that I am taking the pill for medical reasons? Natural family planning was never a bother when I was trying for kids. But after 2 C-sections, even though I loved the idea of having a third child, I didn't really fancy getting cut up a third time. For my husband, a daughter and a son were enough and we never considered having another one. When my cycle became super irregular, natural family planning became totally unnatural for me. Thus, I had this 'battle' inside of me for a long time. Pill or no pill? This is a tough one for me. I've given myself a bit of time. As soon as I see side effects, I'm coming off it. This is just one of those things I have to face when my time is up and God flashes the big screen before me. Sigh.

Gone too soon

Just at the end of our 9 day Novena, we lost someone from Mike's side of the family. In the prime of her life but snuffed out tragically too soon over. Never did we think that the theme from our Novena, 'Is God Dead?', would hit so close to home.

I am not the parent of that young life taken so suddenly but I am a parent and I share their pain. It rips deep in the recesses of my heart because I know that it's a fine line to walk when trying to be a good parent. We try to do all we can and be all we can for the kid but sometimes, it's just not enough. What else could a parent have done to stop her from taking her own life? What else?

I am not the parent and though I share their pain, I am not the one going through this tragedy so I am not questioning my faith. I still love God and I still believe in the goodness of God. But I know that if the tragedy had been mine, my faith might not pass the test. Do not misunderstand me. I don't doubt God. But what I am saying is whoever is in the shoes of those parents who have lost their child too early and too tragically, might just as easily start to doubt his or her faith and start questioning all that God has promised. So, would you?

I admit wholeheartedly, I don't know how I would react. Would I be forgiving? Would I accept the outcome gracefully? Would I be resigned to the fact that God has bigger plans for us? Would I think the departed is in a better place? Would I be able to go to church without being angry? Or would I be crying bitterly and asking God why He has forsaken me?

Before you yell at me and tell me that I shouldn't even be thinking this way because it shows my lack of faith, let me first tell you that talk is easy. How sure are you that you would still be standing tall with your heart and soul in awe of God, while the world around you crumbles to a million pieces? When you lose everyone you love or everything you posses?

Right now, I still cannot be sure. I cannot because I love my husband and children too much to be sure. I cannot bear to lose them. I would rather die than be left alone without them. I am weak and selfish. I should be saying I love God MORE than my husband and children. But as I've reiterated many times, I am only human. God can promise the future. God IS certainty. But I cannot be certain.

Right here, right now, I can only take one day at a time, loving and praising God as I go along because what I am sure of at this point in life is I want to be able to overcome this weakness and one day be able to say that indeed, God is above all, including my loved ones. Right now, I will continue to build His throne. I will continue.