Millionaire and more

I know, in today's context, a million dollars isn't very much. But still, I don't have a million. Not even close. I'm thinking, someone in my estate is now walking around with a million in his or her pocket. A S$1.7 millionaire in fact. That's the prize won last night by the sole winning Toto lottery ticket bought from an outlet near our home. Yes, it could have been someone not from this estate who had bought that Ordinary Quick Pick lottery ticket for 50 cents. It could have been a foreign domestic worker. It could have been a foreign labourer. But there was no way it was going to be me because I didn't even give myself a chance to win it. Didn't even buy a ticket from THAT outlet just across the street. Trust me, I tried. Went there twice after nightly mass this week and it was already closed. Oh well.

I know that banging on a lottery ticket is like saying THAT ticket is the thing that will provide, instead of saying it's God. I am fully aware that God is the provider not that Toto outlet. I am still buying the occasional Toto. Still not strong enough to give it up totally. A 50 cent ticket which might allow me to become a millionaire overnight. A 50 cent ticket that might make me comfortable financially. As the joke goes, how is God to bless me with a win if I didn't even buy the ticket? LOL. Ok, sorry, just some Friday craziness.

Here's what I would do if I became a millionaire overnight.

1) I'd thank God.
2) I'd scream for joy.
3) I'd tell my husband to keep quiet because he'd probably be telling me to stop screaming.
4) I'd scream for joy again.
5) I'd thank God again.
6) I'd scream for joy again.
7) I'd wake up REALLY early the next morning to go collect my winnings!
8) I'd pay off any loans.
9) I'd give money to our parents.
10) I'd give money to our kids.
11) I'd give money to some priests & relatives.

Then, with the extra, I'd wait upon the Lord to see where the rest should go. Well actually, this should be NO. 2, right after I thank the Lord!
I believe that if the Lord blesses me with abundant money, I'm not meant to keep it. I'm meant to help others. I never used to think this way. But the idea of spending money on a fancy house (not that a mere million would allow me to) or fancy car doesn't entice me. I'd be glad to be able to pay for the lousy, skyrocketing COE on our car that will be expiring in a few years' time or I might afford to maybe make a trade in. Hah!

If the Lord provides and allows, I'd like to be able to take my family on a year long back pack tour of the world. I'd like to be able to spend my days doing what I love. I'd like to be able to spend more time sharing the love of Jesus with others. Can a million dollars afford this? Probably, if we continue to be frugal. If you think you're on my list of beneficiaries, then help me ask the Lord to shower His abundant blessings on me so that I can in turn share His goodness with others!

This really was a crazy post brought on by the thought that THAT outlet had sold the winning ticket and I hadn't even bought one. I'm not saying God can only provide through Toto (LOL!!! I know I've given that impression but OF COURSE NOT!!!). I truly believe, there are no limits to what God can provide and through any means He so decides. But in HIS TIME and in HIS OWN WAY. THERE ARE NO LIMITS TO WHAT GOD CAN DO FOR US!!!

Wait, I know, there are some people out there who will be wondering what I'm doing, waiting for God to provide when I'm supposed to just go out there and believe I myself have the power to do it, only if I believe. Nope. I no longer buy that crap. I see so many self-motivational posts floating around especially on Facebook and I'm thinking, sorry buddy, if you think YOU are going to be able to make something work on your own, without God's blessing, you're so wrong. You need to put in effort but you also need to stop to ask God for His guidance. Everything might seem fine now and you may seem to be living the high life or roaring along the success highway without the need for God but I'm certain that somewhere down the road, you'll understand the emptiness of your life without Jesus as your chief cousellor and councillor. I now fully believe that nothing in my life will work unless it is blessed by God. Not even that 50 cent Toto ticket.

When the music stops

In my previous post, I had mentioned a young Praise and Worship leader who was so humble in his words and actions and yet so very anointed. I was happy to see him at the second day of our Novena again. I wanted to go shake his hand after mass but couldn't find him.

I had a chance to compare it to another group who was loud, noisy and 'talkative'. Most of the time, the mic was going 'pop', 'pop', 'pop' because of the force of voice spoken into the mic. It was distracting, I couldn't make out what the Praise and Worship leader was saying and he was so wordy that I felt nothing. It's a horrible thing to say, seeing as people gave their time and effort to lead worship. But it affirmed in me that you do not have to be a loud, charismatic, dramatic or wordy leader to be effective. You have to be humble and let the Lord work through you. Because at the end of the day, you're not standing in front of the congregation to let people know how good you are or how glorious you are. You are letting the congregation know how good God is and how glorious God is!

In all honesty, I used to think the Catholic Mass was boring zzzzzzzz......If many of you are honest, you would have to admit that at some time or other, you've felt the same way as me. It's especially tough for the younger generation to 'dig it'. I used to yearn for a bit more jazz, the music played and sung in the manner of what I call the 'jumping' churches (where most of the congregation is reaching their arms upwards to God and yearning for 'more', 'more'!). Instead, we're subdued during mass. But I've come to love mass now. It is rich and meaningful to me. I am respectfully subdued because I am honouring God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I yearn for communion. I yearn to have the Body of Christ in me. I yearn to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I love the Angels and Saints watching over me. I love Mother Mary inteceding for me. It was when I started feeling positive about mass that I started looking at the 'jumping churches' and their beautiful music/singing in a different light. What happens in a black out? What happens if the world had no more electricity? What happens when the music stops?

I'm not saying the lively music of those churches don't help any. No, on the contrary, our Praise and Worship segments during Charismatic Prayer Group meetings can also have the same music and songs. It can be uplifting. But it is not in totality. You sometimes need such music to draw the younger generation. But we also have soft, slow moving songs too and they too move the Spirit strongly. We need the slower pace to cater to the 'older' generation too. We have Praise and Worship animators who are loud, who are wordy and who are soft, humble and quiet. They each do God's work in their own way. But what I have learnt from my observation of the various characteristics of Praise and Worship leaders is that I need not be the centre of attention. I need not let the focus be me. I need to refocus and let the focus be on God. It should NEVER be about me. It should ALWAYS be about JESUS. It is then, that the Holy Spirit works in me for the best outcome of others. I can be an instrument of God's work in the most subtle way and you can too.

SVDP Feast Day 2012 - Novena Day One

Annual Novena
Every year for the past few years, our church will celebrate the Feast Day of St Vincent de Paul with a meaningful 9 day Novena. We have not had church funfairs for the longest time. We have daily mass for 9 days leading up to the Feast Day. Then we have mass on the Feast Day too, so that's 10 days of daily mass. Honestly, it can be quite tiring for me because I rush home after work, have a quick bite, shower, change and rush out again.

Praise and Worship
Yesterday was our first night. Usually, our charismatic prayer group will lead praise and worship about thrice throughout the novena and invite the charsimatic groups from our district to lead for the rest of the masses. But our group took a break from leading praise and worship this year (understandably, it takes a lot of time and effort and everyone needs a break every now and then). Instead, we had the Indonesian Youth Charismatic Group lead last night. I was surprised at something. The worhip leader was a handsome young man. Very unassuming, behaved humbly and spoke very little. In fact, he was sort of reading from his script BUT I TRULY FELT HE WAS ANOINTED! He was so simple and yet, I could really feel the presence of the Holy Spirit! Awesome! That really affirmed in me, that you don't need flashy lights, eloquence or a booming voice to lift the congregation. You can be a gentle breeze, speaking in the softest whisper and yet, the Lord will hear you because you speak from the depths of your heart! I was so moved, I wanted to cry during his segment. So wonderful. So beautiful. Was a bit tired this morning but so looking forward to tonight again.

Silently Speaking

Peace be with you, my brothers and sisters. May today, bring you abundant blessings from Jesus!
(for some reason, just felt I had to say that!)

View from my office window

I don't usually have the luxury of time to do it but when I can find pockets of time here and there, I do. Sit with God that is, in Adoration Room. Sounds quite bad actually. Like IF only I have time, will I go visit Him there. But He knows me. He knows that I'm beginning to speak to Him all the time. I just don't always go to Adoration Room to do it.

So I sat in there and had a nice conversation with Him. He didn't have anything specific to say to me. Neither did I. But He did ask me if I was ready to do His work. I said I was. Took me by surprise but He then asked me what work I thought I would like Him to give me. For a moment, I was about to silently reply, 'Anything'. But I stopped myself and said instead that He should give to me whatever He thought my strength could bear. I felt not-in-a-humble-way pleased with myself for even thinking that! Not that God couldn't hear my first intended reply but still, I think this reply was more apt and 'protected' me more than to say, 'Anything'!!!

So, what's up with Him asking me if I was ready to do His work? Have I not already been doing it? Well, I actually took a break. Truly, I did. I told Him about a year ago to please stop sending me on what He told me were 'Angel Messenger' missions. Angel Messenger! When I heard that term, I was really shocked. I'd never heard of that term before. The message for these people was surprisingly simple, " JESUS LOVES YOU". I look back at that and am quite in AWE. I mean, Jesus could have asked me to pass a long speech but He didn't. I just needed to say those 3 words to complete strangers. IF it had been ME trying to talk to them without the guidance of Jesus, I would have broken out into a long winded holier-than-thou lecture. But the message was from Him.

One day, I told Him that even though He thought I could do it, I thought I really couldn't. I'd faced my own persecution for doing so even though I had done these tasks readily and openly. So He did. Stop, I mean. I never heard another prompting to pass a message to a complete stranger at an address He had also provided me. I didn't and I was relieved. So I took a break....until recently.

For now, the messages aren't for complete strangers but for people I know. I now sometimes feel a strong urge to pray for certain people. I sometimes get a prompting that God has a message for them. I am still cautious because my good intentions can be misintepreted as being a busybody or as being a show off. I can imagine certain persons (God forgive me. I really need prayers for still thinking this) talking behind my back and hitting me below the belt for thinking I have the Gift of hearing God.

I'm cautious but I've also sort of grown bolder and I'm ready to step out of my comfort zone. Although I'd rather not face opposition from people who are supposed to be supportive (I do not mean my family - they were very supportive), I know that my instructions are from God and I work for God and not for them. I feel I'm being guided by the Holy Spirit. There is more discretion (I do it discreetly) and I have a certain level of conviction that I am being sent to provide words to these people for comfort. To let them know that even if they are not hearing God, God hears them. So there. If you happen to be one of my 'critics', know that I had ONE YEAR or more to be STILL WITH GOD. I am ready, even if you're not. The beauty of it all? God knew I needed a break to get my composure back and He knows I'm back on track spiritually, even stronger now than before. I'm not perfect but I've grown spiritually and He knows it. I do not know where all this is leading me but I'm just taking it one step at a time, letting Him lead and guide me.

Before I left Adoration Room yesterday evening, Jesus had some parting words for me.
'You do my work and I will do yours'. 
That made perfect sense to me. Yes, Jesus, Amen!

Working Mother's Pizza Party! (and Chilli Chix Wings)

My daughter, Tessa had a pig out pizza party at our place recently to 'celebrate' the end of her GCE 'A' Levels preliminary exams. We call them 'prelims' here in Singapore. Prelims are the school based exams which are a sort of mock up of the actual 'A' Level exams to come. They've been busy studying so it was good to see them let their hair down for a day or two.

Home made pizza

I wouldn't exactly say making your own pizza is very much cheaper here in Singapore. For obvious reasons, the cost of cheese for pizza isn't as cheap as say in Australia or New Zealand. But I think making your own pizza will still cost you less than what you would pay for in a restaurant and you can definitely get more toppings for the same price or less. I had done a trial run (just for Mike, John and Tessa recently) and all I had put was cheese and Chicken Salami or Beef Pepperoni. No veg cos the kids enjoy their meaty pizzas. But this time round, for Tessa and her pals, I made sure to add red and green bell peppers, mushrooms and even black olives (I LOVE black olives!). I didn't get negative feedback (maybe they were too polite) so I hope it was to their liking!

Chilli Chicken Wings

Although I still cannot lay my hands on the Ghost Pepper chilli sauce (I tried but plans fell through from 2 separate sources -- I think I'm not meant to have them ever!), I did mix up a batch of my own super hot chilli paste and sort of made her pals go nuts a tad. It was like, sooooo hot....I can't take this....but I want to eat some more.....drink, drink......slurp slurp....sooooo hot....what am I doing? I'm eating some more! Hee hee. From the kitchen where I stayed to clean up, it was fun watching and hearing them munch and laugh at the table.

Also did Aglio Olio to go with the above two dishes. I think the makan session went well. They stayed from lunch through dinner till late at night. I'm happy to be able to cook and let my kids and their friends have a good time eating and talking. As long as the Lord provides, I pray I will be able to provide to others as well, even if it's just through my simple dishes. Thank you, Lord for your provision.

Are Catholics Christian?

Is a Catholic a Christian?

This really irks me and when it comes from people who are ignorant of our faith, I can understand it but recently, I heard a church catechist mention in a sentence, that implied that we are Catholics, not Christians. That horrified me! I think he meant that we're Catholics and not Protestants but for a Christian teacher, teaching Christianity to our children and not getting this right, really, really horrified me. Actually, there were two things he said. He said, 'I don't mean Bible reading Christians. We're not Christians, we're Catholic'.
Horrors. Catholics are Christians and Catholics DO read the bible even if he may not. This scares me alot because he's a catechist. No, I didn't approach him. I'm praying for him instead.

It's typical. Someone asks a Catholic, 'Are you are a Christian?' and the Catholic answers, 'No, I'm Catholic'. The next time you are asked that, take a second to let the question sink in before you reply. I always say, 'Yes, I'm Catholic' and the person asking, if he or she is a Protestant, looks at me as though I've lost my marbles. You can just see it in their faces, they want to say, 'NO, YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE A CATHOLIC'. But they politely nod their heads and say instead, 'Oh, you're Catholic'. As a Catholic, if you said you weren't a Christian, not only are you an ignorant fool, you're also denying the existence of Jesus Christ. It's quite okay to lose your marbles but not okay to lose your way.

Yes, a Catholic is a Christian. I am Catholic and I am a Christian because I believe in Jesus Christ, who is the head of my everything. Christianity is coined from being the followers of Christ and the Christ is Jesus Christ. The term 'Christianity' is used in the New Testament, especially by Paul the Apostle.

At this point, I'm not arguing with any Protestant who wishes to bring home the point that Catholics are not Christians because Catholics are sinners blah blah blah. No, this is not the purpose of this post. People have argued till the cows come home but I frankly think Jesus doesn't care a hoot if you're Catholic or Protestant. He cares if you are with Him or not with Him. I don't think in Heaven, they have separate areas for Roman Catholics and Protestants. Oops, wait, to some others, Catholics don't even go to Heaven! They think Catholics spend eternity in Purgatory and for coming up with Purgatory, we go straight to 'H--'!!! I'm just wondering, do they think Mother Mary is in Heaven near to Jesus or in H--?

The purpose of this post is to let ignorant Catholics AND Protestants out there know that YES, CATHOLICS ARE CHRISTIANS, because the last I checked, Jesus Christ is the basis of the Catholic faith. The term 'Catholic church' is also used in some protestant prayer books to mean 'universal church' and not to mean 'Catholic' as some people deem today, as a 'sect' of Christianity.

I recall an incident at my grandmother's funeral some years back. She was baptised as a Christian late in her life. During a night prayer service, the protestant prayer booklet which had been supplied by the Pastor invited for that evening had the term 'Catholic church' in it. When the bunch of us (Catholics and Protestants) were praying aloud the Nicene Creed and had read that term out loud, you could hear a pin drop above the din. Presumably, the protestants were horrified that they had just claimed to belong to the 'Catholic church' (even if the prayer book was from a Protestant church) and the Roman Catholics were bemused that the term was being used in a Protestant prayer booklet. I never saw those prayer booklets being used again for the rest of the nightly services. Utter ignorance. Knee jerk reaction. The term 'Catholic church' is to mean 'Universal Church'. Protestants might in a bid not to mix up the meaning with being Roman Catholic (Heaven forbid!), use the term 'Church catholic' instead to mean 'Universal church'.

So yes, we are Christians. If Catholics ourselves don't know this, how do we expect others to? So remember, if you're a Roman Catholic and the next time someone asks you if you're a Christian, you answer, 'Yes, I'm a Catholic'!

Working Mother's Curry, Aglio Olio and Thin Crust Pizza!

I've been writing about my journey with God, I've neglected to post pics of food. Not that I used to but now, I rarely cook anything that causes my family to get a bad stomach. How God blesses me! Ha ha ha

I had some chilli paste so I tried to make my curry spicier than usual. This one turned out nice:

Curry, my way

I think 'nice' because of the chilli paste. I purposely cooked it a bit drier than I normally would with curry. Hubby said it was delicious.

On a different day, I tried it again and used a spicier chilli paste which I had ground and my boys hated it. They aren't big on chilli and complained non-stop that it was waaaaay too spicy. Oh well.. Something weird I noticed here. My boy is the one who can take spicier chilli sauce in dishes and the girl usually doesn't care for chilli much. But ever since she ate her Aunt's super duper spicy chilli chicken wings (cooked with Naga or Bhut Jolokia chilli sauce - also known as Ghost Pepper sauce), she's been bugging me to replicate that hotness level. I however, cannot replicate a chilli paste to match the Ghost Pepper's scorville level IF I don't have the Ghost Pepper sauce in the first place. Her aunt had purchased it overseas. I mean, for the longest time, the Ghost Pepper was known as the hottest chilli pepper in the world (it's now been topped by the Trinidad Scorpion Butch T). The most I can do is replace with chilli padi and Sriracha chilli sauce (make sure it's the spicy one cause they have mild ones too).

The first time, for her Junior College pals, I cooked up a batch of wings that weren't too spicy because one or two of them weren't big on chilli (like my boys). They loved it and they're coming over again to have more, now that their 'A' Level prelims are over. But this time, they want it super spicy. So now, the girl, who doesn't usually care for spicy food, is the one bugging me big time to go find her the Ghost Pepper sauce. Sigh. I'm trying. I'm trying, lah! The bottled ones sold overseas are just too expensive to be used for everyday cooking.

So, since I've been cooking chilli chicken wings at home, I also have been cooking Aglio Olio in its simplest form, with nothing else (which is what it's originally supposed to be). Aglio Olio = Garlic and Oil.
It is aromatic and is a good change from the usual red or white pasta sauce spaghetti.

Aglio Olio

Aglio Olio grows on me. In fact, my boys said although my tomato based spaghetti tastes great (after years of practice), my Aglio Olio tastes even better and they love it. Cheap and good! Yeah, not exactly being very humble here. I love it too. Simple and tasty. Not too overwhelming. Just nice to eat with the chilli chicken wings (forgot to take a pic of the wings). I actually season then oven bake them so that it won't be as unhealthy as deep frying them. Will post pics of the wings another time.

Then last Sunday, night, because it was raining, it felt like it'd be a good night to have hot, home made pizza!

Home made thin crust pizza (no vegetables please!)

Meat eaters pizza, lah. I know my kids hate pizza with anything else but meat and cheese. If we order pizza, they'll pick out all the peppers and onions. See that Veri Peri sauce bottle in the pic? That's quite spicy. Coming from me, when I say it's spicy, it's spicy. It's not Ghost Pepper level spicy but it's spicy. Enough to make you wanna drink water, then pour on more sauce. Heehee.

So there. I feel so blessed that God enables me to cook because I find cooking so therapeutic. Eating is even more therapeutic! (Yes, I've put on ONE kg!)

Have a great weekend and May God Bless You!



The Only Way

"And the word of the Lord came to me, saying:
Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. And before you went forth from the womb, I sanctified you. And I made you a prophet to the nations.
And I said : "Alas, alas, alas, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am a boy.
And the Lord said to me: "Do not choose to say, 'I am a boy.' For you shall go forth to everyone to whom I will send you. And you shall speak all that I will command you.
You should not be afraid before their face. For I am with you, so that I may deliver you," says the Lord.
And the Lord put forth His hand, and He touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me:"Behold, I have placed my words in your mouth.
Behold, today, I have appointed you over nations and over kingdoms, so that you may root up, and pull down, and destroy, and scatter, and so that you may build and plant. ~ Jeremiah 1 : 4-10

Buying Pens
Jesus asks for our obedience to Him in our daily life. Obedience to Him and He will show us the way.
When I was young, the shops which sold ordinary writing pens would provide paper so that you could test if the pens you were buying, had ink (I've noticed that some shops no longer have this practice as they tape up the pens and expect you to expect the pens to have ink and just buy them!). I used to and I still do, for some reason, whenever I test the pens, I may not just draw random squiggles. I will most times write the sentence, 'The only way". I don't know why I write this. It seems like an incomplete sentence and for many, many years, I would wonder what the end of the sentence was supposed to be. "The only way.....(what?)". This is how I write it.

Of late, I was thinking that perhaps, it is supposed to be referring to Jesus' 'I am the way, the truth and the life'. But I do not write 'I am the way....'. I write, 'The only way'.

Yesterday, whilst reading 'God Calling' during my lunch break, I came across this page in the book:

The Only Way
I just smiled when I saw that sentence. What type of header is that? 'The Only Way'? It seems incomplete! Yet, I had to smile and such joy filled in me. It was an affirmation that I am on the right track, yearning more and more for the treasures of the Kingdom of Heaven, as opposed to the treasures on earth! It IS THE ONLY WAY! God already knew when I was born into a non-Christian family, that He would pave the way for me to accept Him one day and that I would one day, learn 'the only way'.

If 'God Calling' had been a novel, I would have finished it much faster. In fact, I AM so keen to devour it all but have no choice but to read it slowly because I am trying to let every sentence soak into my very being. I've only read the daily devotions from January to July. Frankly, I didn't turn to the back of the book to find out if the devotions ended in December. I'm guessing it does. I have another daily devotional book which I could not seem to finish reading and I was reading only 1 devotion per day! Mike asked me last night if I was supposed to read one devotion from 'God Calling' a day. I said, I guess it was but I cannot help myself from reading more. I'm too excited about what each message holds because of the similarities they have with the messages I receive from God.

I love, love every word in this book and I don't need to know where it ends. Having read the messages up to July -- I'll be very honest -- I have already prepared myself with God's guidance and messages (prior to reading the book). I mean, whatever He says should be done up till July, I think I am already 'there'. That's why I'm so excited. As I read, I'm mentally going, 'Oh! He's already shown me this, he's already told me that, I've already learnt this'. Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT saying I have conquered everything. Hardly. But I have been 'informed' to be, to do, to act, to feel a certain way and God has been preparing me the past few years to be where I am today.

In fact, as I read in bed at night, I keep nudging Mike to say, 'It's amazing! He says this and this....and it's exactly what He's told me!' How shall I say this? It's like you're in the second year in Junior College and you're reading the notes of a year 1 student. You then go nodding your head, thinking to yourself, I was already taught this. But it doesn't mean you're good in it. You've just 'heard' of it. I just feel that He made me 'bump' into this book and buy it! I see the messages in this book as an affirmation to me that I am on track. Hey, I'm not on track to sainthood. I am on track to trying to be obedient to God in my very humanly faltering manner.

Great Expectations
I don't know how to contain my excitement because I can feel it in my bones that GREAT things are going to happen in my life. I've been feeling this everyday since God invited me to be in His presence in Adoration Room. That was before coming across this book. I told Mike that perhaps it's time for me to go 'home' to Him (I won't know, will I?) but I just feel so excited that something is about to happen!!! Although I'm dying inside to know it, I won't bug God for clues because I trust He knows best.

Painful Preparation
When I read June and July's messages, it was also in the direction I am headed. I don't mean to infringe on any copyright laws and I hope God will bless and cover me against being sued for doing this, but I just wish to show you what I mean. Here's an excerpt of the message of July 7:

Painful Preparation
"Help and peace and joy are here. Your courage will be rewarded.
Painful as this time is you will both one day see the reason of it, and see too that it was not cruel testing, but tender preparation for the wonderful life-work you are both to do.
Try to realize that your own prayers are being most wonderfully answered. Answered in a way that seems painful to you, but that just now is the only way. 
Success in the temporal world would not satisfy you.
Great success, in both temporal and spiritual world awaits you.
I know you will see this had to be." ~ "God Calling" edited by A. J Russell (Message of July 7 "Painful Preparation").

True Friends
So, I had quoted Jeremiah 1 4:10 because while every bone in me may say that the earthly way is to do this, to be this way, to say this, to own this, to buy this...... I know that the Godly way is not the earthly way. I know that I've made some changes to my life and I'm going to be making more changes and these changes won't go down well with other earthlings but I need to stay focused, be strong and know that it is the CEO of my existence that matters. I think some of my friends or relatives who might not be on the same track as me may think I'm going overboard with this 'God' thing. They're probably just too polite to say it in front of me. They are probably concurring with each other. That's a good way to say gossipping about it. I hope not because if you were really my friend, you wouldn't be doing that. But anyway, you're human and not Divine, so I understand. If I have to lose the world to gain God, I will. If I have to lose friends to gain God, I will.
But I tell you, this is a really good way to see people for what they are. I have also gained the trust of some close friends whom I have shared my messages with. Very slowly, I see how they change. How the Lord works in their lives and I see how our friendship has grown. I don't have a thousand friends. I have a pocketful of good ones. In my pursuit of God's Kingdom, there is peace in my heart if I have to lose the majority of my friends to gain a few true ones. I will stand by my King and if He stands with you, what have you to lose?

The King and I
I mean, think of it this way. What if I lived in a land where this great King ruled and everything was done according to his will? Many of his servants and workers are too in awe of him and too distanced from him to speak to him. But this King, he speaks to me personally because he knows me and I him. What if one day, this King tells me, to go some place to mine for diamonds and while I do that, the servants attack me, scold me and gossip about me because they think I'm not supposed to? Would I be willing to face ridicule from the majority of the people of the land or would I obey my King who had given me the instructions personally? What if the whole land wishes to have me cast out and my King is the only one who will not allow it? Who will matter more to me? The King or the others?

God Has Plans For Us - What Are Our Plans For Him?
At the beginning of this post, I had quoted Jeremiah because God already knew me before I was even born. He had a path set out for me and He had to make me go through what I had to go through and still am going through because all this was necessary for me to get to where I am today and to get me where I need to go from here. I feel that because God always gives us the ability to make choices, He may have set a path for us but ultimately, it is up to us to get on that path to His Kingdom or get lost. He cannot decide that for us. Yep, I'm thoroughly convinced of this. I feel so blessed that while I on earth may think my life in chaos, God thinks differently. Awesome. Thank you, Jesus. I trust in you, Jesus.

Does developing your prayer life help anyone else but yourself?

New Friend
Last night, I had an opportunity to speak to a young Catholic. We had discussed how we both differ so vastly in how we serve God. He is more the hands on type. Needs to run around and do things to help out / do chores for church etc. I on the other hand, like to spend time developing my relationship with God with prayer. He felt that if he did what I was doing, he thinks it's pointless as it wouldn't benefit others. I begged to differ and explained that it was very important to me that I first strengthen my own prayer life and develop a close relationship with God because with His empowerment, I'd be able to reach out to others I meet. I can speak fearlessly and share God's goodness and awesomeness with people. The young person nodded his head as if he understood me but I think he's perhaps too young to understand it. This young man's way is no less than mine and mine is no less than his. We serve God in different ways.

Is developing a prayer life of any use to anyone else but yourself?
How can my developing a closer walk with God help others then? Last night, as hubby and I was taking a midnight walk, he told me about how a Protestant man and a very young boy had come knocking on our door to share the Word of God with him. They were persistent even though Mike told them we were already Christians. They wanted us to join in their church activities even though Mike had told them we had our own church activities. Anyway, Mike didn't let them enter our house. I wasn't home at the time these two males had approached Mike. Mike wanted to know if I would have entertained them. I said, "YES! If they want to share their stories about Christ, I will tell them to come in cos I want to share with them how AWESOME Jesus is too!". This is such a different ME. Before LISS, I would have been really pissed that these Protestants were trying to convert Catholics again! Now, I'm thinking, I can share with you how what miracles Jesus can do for 'sinning' Catholics too! Come on in! I might be the ones scaring them off this time round.

Why it works for me
Ok, what I meant to demonstrate is, being empowered by the strength of God, by the teachings of Jesus, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit is all it takes to change me completely. I fear not now when I speak of Christ because I have experienced His goodness personally. I speak with a conviction from the bottom of my heart. But I don't ever take this conviction for granted. I can lose it in a day. Something really bad happens and I get turned off by God. I stay away from Him, from His word, from church. I stop praying. I stop listening. I stop sharing. That's how I think would be the end of me. So instead, I pray all the time for Him to hold on to me. To never let me go even when I fall and I sin. To stay close to me. To empower me with obedience to Him and to instill fearlessness in me so I can do His will.

Mission Statement at age 44
Also, a closer prayer life with God has allowed me realise something I didn't know I wanted to do.
Here's my mission statement at the grand old age of 44:
"To develop my walk with God so that His empowerment in me can strengthen me spritually to allow Him to work through me to benefit others."

Have I lost my marbles? Only God knows. Ha ha. Have a GREAT DAY and bask in the JOY that the LORD brings!

God Calling

God Calling - by A.J. Russells
On the 5th of September 2012, I had taken leave from work to run some errands and had visited a Salvation Army second hand outlet with Mike. Was browsing in the used books section and stumbled upon a copy of 'God Calling' by AJ Russell.

Purchased the book & Plumbing woes
I had vaguely read the synopsis and it seemed like a daily devotional book but something in the intro had interested me. The author had said that he hadn't really written the book. I understood it to be a book of messages from God to some others but having been edited by AJ Russell. Bought it for a few dollars. I then let the book sit in the paperbag for a couple of days as I'd been very busy. In fact, Mike & I had spent the whole weekend trying to fix broken plumbing! Aaaaarrrgh! (We give up - we're calling the plumber. Hope God blesses the situation this time and I won't get another nightmarish plumber from Elm Street).

Hearing God
When I finally started reading the first few pages of the book.......my excitement level just heightened. I haven't finished the book but I'm so excited that I JUST had to blog about this. If you've been following my blog, you would have known by now that I speak of 'hearing' God's promptings. I have 3 diaries in which I journaled His messages to me. It should have been more diaries already but I stopped journalling the past few months. So far, I feel His messages have been specifically for me and not for others. He's not told me to tell them to anyone else. Apart from the times I had received His promptings to specifically visit complete strangers at specific addresses, the times I was journalling, I feel that His messages were more to encourage me, to strengthen me, to edify me and totally in accordance to what the Bible teaches. I don't feel they were for the public but then, it never crossed my mind if they were actually.

Critics
Anyhow, you have two people writing down what they were hearing from God. My printed edition is 1953 and I think the events happened in the earlier part of the century (1930s maybe) so the people weren't really as bold as me today to declare them as messages from God (on a blog *slaps forehead*). I mean, even as I write this in 2012 (we're supposed to be so open and modern!), I KNOW for a fact there are people out there who still doubt me. Some of my own fellow Catholics probably think I don't have enough 'experience' to be experiencing this. I don't really care about that because God didn't ask me to do battle with my doubters. He asked me to believe and trust in Him and to obey Him. That's all I care about these days. Also, I think they should be more in awe of what God can do because since when does He do things according to their rules? He is not defined by what we think. It is we who have to be defined by what He thinks. Instead of sitting on holier-than-thou thrones, licking their own wounds for not hearing the way I do, I think they should be spending more time developing a real relationship with God. What? Is there a queue? The less experienced have to stand behind the more experienced in order to receive God's gifts? I think not. Not boasting here, just stating a fact. God can raise up a sinner on Earth if He chooses to do so. Who are we to judge God? If Christian leaders themselves cannot see this, than what are they really teaching? I'm going a bit off tangent here but this is my blog and I will say what I want to say. I feel so sad that some Christian leaders cannot see the awesomeness of God when they themselves preach it to others. Me thinks they get blindsided by personal envy and pride instead.

God's Speech Pattern
Back to the book. I am so excited because when I was journalling, I found His messages to be in a style that is really unique. Sometimes, it's a tad long-winded. Erm, since God already knows what is in my heart, I shall speak the truth. It is most times, long-winded prose. There's so much repetition! It's not entirely 'spoken' in old school English. Neither uptight nor casual. God definitely has a unique style of putting together words. I sometimes find it like how a Grandpa would nag at me.....heehee. When I journal, most times, my hand cannot keep up with the words spilling out of my mind or heart (I don't know). Sometimes, I shake my head because I cannot make sense of the way he 'speaks'. It's not grammatically wrong - please understand this. But it's not how I would write or speak. It's definitely repetitive and it's out of this world. It is difficul to define. Sometimes, it's like riddle after riddle and you're supposed to catch the concept of what He is saying by answering His thought provoking questions. Yet, it's not a silly riddle. It makes a lot of sense when you think about the questions. He asks alot of rhetorical questions, that's for sure. Wow, wow and wow.

So when I read the first few pages of the book, I was flabberghasted!!! The prose was exactly how I hear Him 'speak' to me!!! Totally unbelievable for me. Remember, I've been 'hearing' Him since mid 2009 and I've only purchased this book on 5 Sept 2012. I've ONLY started reading this book and the messages today, 10 Sept 2012. Wow. I'm speechless. I was so excited, I just had to blog about this.

Source and Fruit?
To those who still doubt me, well there's nothing I can do and nothing I wish to do except to pray that one day, you too will be able to hear what I hear. Is it the evil one speaking to me? Well, critics of the book God Calling believe so. They draw the conclusion that because for us to 'hear' God, we need to silence ourselves, that we're doing a form of Spiritism. I think calling it Holy Spiritism would be more apt. Calling upon the evil one? Oh yes, sure. The evil one helps to write a devotional book solely dedicated to bring glory to Jesus. Well, that's a new one. The evil one helps me hear God telling me to do good. Whatever messages I hear, it's always in line with the 'instructional objectives' of the Bible. It's in line with the teachings of Jesus, so there. Oh wait, it just dawned on me that maybe, my doubters may think I'm not hearing God and that I'm just making it all up. Well, jolly good. As if I have the time for that. I was told, they wanted to 'discern'. Well, I'm sorry, God when He gives me messages, did not tell me to go to so and so to get His messages verified. I mean, it was a conversation between Him and myself. I doubt they can verify it unless God uses 4 way calling or something. Utter excuses.

Go and think whatever you like. My aim is to please God, not you. I only blog about this so that some random person who stumbles upon my writings may benefit from what I've gone through, I can't wait to finish reading the book!

New Project
Oh yes, by the way, I'm probably in part 2 of my new 'project' which I believe is being blessed by God. Yippee for me!

Love Thy Neighbour

Love one another as I have loved you.
Jesus states this as His commandment to us several times. I am trying very hard. It looks so simple and yet it's such a difficult thing to do.

Love Thy Neighbour
Whenever I bump into this person, I make an extra effort to say 'Hi' to this person all the time. She is a person I know, whom several others avoid because of her idiosyncracies. I would say it's quite effortless for her to be downright rude. Our interaction can be just for 10 seconds but it is enough for me to walk away feeling like something-wasn't-right-about-that-conversation. I often walk away wondering why I even bother to greet her. She only ever greets my husband. She calls him by name but never acknowledges me. She sees past me even if I am near. Her words are made to command, overrule, overpower people. She speaks but does not listen. She has that effect on people. My husband wonders why I even bother to speak to her if she makes me feel that way all the time. I said, 'Jesus said to love thy neighbour, mah! So I'm trying, lor!'. She is a fellow Christian that makes it doubly hard for me to let go. But each time I hear her go into her high and mighty talking-down-to-you, holier-than-thou speeches, I cringe, bite my tongue and urge myself to not react. That's only in 10 seconds of interaction, like I said. Imagine 10 minutes.

The last time was just a few nights ago. When she passed a sentence I thought was downright non-purposeful and which I knew was a knee-jerk reaction to her insecurities, I just smiled at her and walked away.

Annoying Mossies Buzzing Round Your Ear
That was coming from a stranger. I do have some people in my life who are constantly 'annoying' this way. Their need to command and control stem from their insecurities but their insecurities flow into my comfort zone. Their need to boast --- bluek! Need I say more? Most of the time, I control myself and I react inside but don't show it on the outside. I've been told I'm a coward and let so-and-so walk all over me etc. But I'm happy with myself. I've grown enough to know not to be drawn into a battle with an insecure person. You will never emerge the winner because it is effortless for them to find fault with you. Instead, you will emerge angry and disturbed. Whatever for? I have better things to do (like nurturing my own growth journey with God).

What I Really Feel Like Doing
But really sometimes, I just wanna give them a BIG THWACK on the head and yell in their ears that their constant beating around the bush to draw out information (without going to the point) is a BIG ANNOYANCE and that HELLOOOOO...... people can see through their constant lying smiles and faces but are only PRETENDING to not bite their bait BECAUSE. JUST BECAUSE. If Jesus hadn't commanded us to love one another as He had loved us, then it would probably be free-for-all, including myself. I'd climb up the backs of these idiots and pull their hairs off the tops of their heads. So there. I'm pretty violent in my mind, huh? Alot more work needs to be done. Ahem. Well, once one can dream, right?

What I Do Instead
Meanwhile, I let manipulative you, think I'm an idiot who doesn't know better. So be it. God knows that the only opinion I should be worrying about is His. I think I've grown enough spiritually at least to know this.

Phew, Love Thy Neighbour is a toughie.

Closer walk with God through this blog

To me, the most important point of experiencing an outpouring of the Holy Spirit is to develop a personal relationship with God. I don't know how many others feel the same way but for many years, even whilst faithfully attending church every week, I felt 'distant' from God. God was someone I went to when I needed to ask for His help. That was a bout it. I knew He was God. That He created Man, that He created me, that I should be grateful for that and I should be respectful and worship Him. I loved God. I chose to be a Catholic. But I didn't know that it was He who had chosen me.

Sunday Mass worshipping God was a separate event from the rest of my days and the rest of my life. I was a Catholic on Sundays and the rest of the week, I don't know what I was. I didn't think I was doing anything particularly wrong. I was just like any other human being (or so I thought), happy or upset, just living life as life came to me. God was a religion to me back then. If I chose to do something I knew intrinsically would be against my faith or the teachings of the Bible, I'd find a reason to back up my actions. I made pathetic excuses all the time. Did I have a relationship with God? No, I don't think I had that until I repented and started seeing Him with new eyes.

Now, everything is different. I am in constant awe of God. He is awesome. He is amazing. I've mentioned this in several posts before; I went for my Life in the Spirit Seminar not expecting anything. I didn't even know squat about what I had signed up for. I only went because my daughter, Tessa had prodded me into attending it. Then she prodded her dad to accompany me (that was no mean feat, trust me!). So I definitely wasn't looking for any 'gifts' as an outcome of my attendance. I had had a heart to heart talk and face to face confession with our priest (what we say, a GOOD confession) and he had asked me what gifts I would like to receive from LISS. My mind was a blank. I wasn't expecting any gifts. So I said whatever God wanted to give to me. I felt that I didn't deserve anything unless God thought I did.

At the beginning of the course, I wasn't at all comfortable with Tongues. I felt very uncomfortable in fact and I recall telling myself that Tongues wasn't to me, necessary for me to develop a personal relationship with God. That was in the beginning. Then the weeks passed and by the end of the course, I was yearning already to receive the Gift of Tongues. Praise God that I did receive it (I think I've written about that experience before in an earlier post so I won't go into that now). But I look back and think that even if I had not received the Gift of Tongues, I had already changed. I was no longer the same person.

God was now totally awesome to me. I wanted very much to and I yearned to yield towards Him. I enjoyed talking to Him. I enjoyed hearing what He had to say. Mass now took on a whole new meaning. The Consecrated Host WAS truly now to me, the Body of Christ. I am moved, everytime I take communion. For years and years before, I had known it was important but I didn't feel connected to it. Now, I can feel my heart stir and my eyes tear. I am joyous to be able to receive the Body of Christ.

But definitely, having received the Gift of Tongues has been awesomely edifying for me and I am grateful to God for the Gift. I am also extremely grateful to be able to hear His messages and be able to pass on messages for Him.

What of the fruit of my transition? How do I test the fruit of my gifts? The fruit of my experience? How do I know that this is all from God? I know because  I want to help others know Jesus. I use this blog to try to touch the lives of people who may or may not randomly or accidentally find me on the web. Just as other online writings have touched me, I hope to touch others too. My blog is not famous at all. I take years to get the number of hits which famous bloggers get in a single day! I am a nobody who started my company Cartoon Lagoon because of a personal dream I had as a teenager in junior college. Hardly anyone reads my blog as I do nothing to promote it. I don't buy keywords from Google. I removed all Ads (so I earn nothing). I don't purposely create awareness of my blog. My small stream of readers are probably my friends, customers of my hand painted shoes and people who randomly stumble upon it. Now that I've stopped accepting orders for our hand painted shoes, ratings might drop even further. I don't know but I had a feeling God needed me to stop at that point. He has something else in store for me.

But hey, this blog doesn't have to be big or popular, as long as it manages to touch the hearts of one single individual, enough to make a change in that person's life. As long as it manages to make someone rethink their walk with Jesus, it is enough for me. I would be honoured to continue being used by the Holy Spirit to touch others in any small way I can. I am not a holy person. I am still very human. I flounder. I fall. So some people may see me in real life, with words I use or actions I do and judge me as not being worthy to 'witness' to them about God. (God uses the weak and sinners most -- read the story of Saul (then being renamed Paul) who was to do great things for the purpose of Christ after being touched by God whilst being an unbeliever). Here's the thing. I am trying. Last night, someone from our Charismatic group told me that 'try' was not good enough because she needed a commitment from me but I told her that in my vocabulary, 'try' is already very good. I didn't bring this up to criticise my sister-in-Christ because in the context of what we were talking about, I totally understand that she needed a commitment but I could not commit. I brought this up just because I wanted to explain what 'try' meant to me. If you try, at least your Spirit is willing. If you pray with a willing and teachable heart and spirit, then God willing, He will make that 'try' happen for you.

In the most amazing manner, since my experience, I have had the opportunity to lead brothers and sister in Christ, in praise and worship. That is incredible, considering I couldn't even lead a prayer aloud prior. I have had the opportunity to tell complete strangers that Jesus loves them because of promptings by God. I have had the opportunity to witness to friends and relatives about how incredible it can be for them to develop a closer relationship with God.

In 2011, although I could not commit to attending our Charismatic Prayer Group sessions regularly, I was trying my best to develop a deeper relationship with God. It helps to attend a prayer group regularly because it's uplifting and it helps remind you of your purpose. But if you can't get near a prayer group or if you think the prayer group for whatever reason isn't working out for you, then you just need to find ways to incorporate more of God into your life. You'll want to ask yourself, what would Jesus want you to do in such or such a situation? What would Jesus want you to say? I know, it begins to sound a tad too heavy going, asking a non-tangible person questions and worse still, asking a non-tangible person questions AND perhaps not being able to hear this non-tangible person's replies. But Jesus is not just a person. He is the Son of Man. In the Trinity, we have God, we have Jesus and we have the Holy Spirit. Have the confidence that their existence will enable us to move along, in the right direction but only if we seek to do so. Also, I have to add, when you being to move with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, you will find it not as heavy going as you had expected it to be.

I really cannot put into words, how I feel at this moment. So uplifted. So loved by God. So thankful. So grateful. I tell you, I feel so blessed and happy despite many things going wrong with my life. I can only be feeling this way because of Jesus. It is surreal. I feel as though it is not my body that carries the weight of my burdens. It is Jesus. Like He is scooping me up in the palms of His hands and moving me. I have been enpowered by the Holy Spirit to be bold enough to share this with people and I no longer care if humans think me crazy. Truly, the only thing that really matters is moving in the direction of the Way, the Truth and the Life!

Happy walking with God!

 

Time alone with God - Adoration Room

I refer to myself going to the Adoration Room every now and then in my posts. Some of you may be wondering what that is. I'm not an expert and anyone who knows better is free to contact me to correct me. Usually, Catholic churches have a room where people can go to pray apart from attending Mass. It's not really just a chapel. In this room, there is usually a Monstrance where the consecrated host is placed in (whereas a chapel may not). This consecrated host is exposed for people to show devotion to God / to adore God. By adoring, we mean respectful worship. Utmost respect is required in an Adoration Room. You would usually find people sitting there in silence. They could be reading the bible, reading any other literature, saying the prayers of the Rosary, meditating or just sitting in silence. Bearing in mind that Catholics believe that the presence of Christ is in a consecrated host, everything you do inside, is done with utmost reverance. No texting, phone calls or chatting, please!

For me personally, I hear God's messages best if I'm sitting silently, with my eyes closed in Adoration Room. I prefer to go alone, knowing no one inside and having no one waiting for me outside. It's alone time for God and I. When I am 'meditating', I rarely open my eyes to see anyone else who enters or leaves the room.

I sometimes feel the call of God to go to Adoration Room. At the last call, He had prompted me to go to Him. I was driving and I knew that God put it in my heart and mind that I had to go to Adoration Room in our church even though I was already in the opposite direction. On top of that, His invitational message was, "Come my child, come into the Glory of the Lord". I WAS grumbling a bit to Him, asking Him why He couldn't just say what He had to say to me because I was evidently already hearing His promptings wasn't I? But His promptings were urgent and I felt it. Later, when I obeyed and drove myself to church AND heard His messages, I knew why. Go on, find time to sit with God and chat. You may not know what to say to Him but He may have messages for you!