How many types of Christians are there in this world?
I don't know where you stand in your Christian journey. Here's where I stand. Actually, where I sit.
I am neither the 'holy, holy' type nor the 'unholy unholy' type. Does that mean I'm Humpty Dumpty? Humpty Dumpty waiting to fall onto either side of the wall. Or will I sit here forever?
I don't fit in with the people who all the time are so prayerful, good and kind. Not a single bad word is spewed. If they think 'bad thoughts', they don't let the world know. No, I'm not like that (never say never but for the moment, no).
Nor do I fit in with the people who think God is better left as a Sunday stroll in the park. Don't bother me, God. I'll come to you only when I'm in trouble. I can't make myself talk about God too much; it's just not cool. I probably used to be like that but I can no longer because I am no longer the person I used to be. The Holy Spirit lives in me. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I know where I want to go after my life is over and whom I wish to spend eternity with.
So I sit on the fence. Good and bad waging a constant war within me. I struggle.
Assertiveness vs Submissiveness.
Offence vs Defence.
Pride vs Humility.
Confrontation vs Acceptance.
Confidence vs Insecurity
Teenagers think they are the only ones with their insides raging. They're in for a rude shock. Unless you live the rest of your life under a rock, you will be battling your ghosts forever. It just moves from one level to another.
I was in a toilet last weekend and I heard some school girls chattering near the sink. One would speak, the other would answer in a reply pleasing and expectant to the speaker. Repetitious cycle of a conversation. Total rubbish. Inane chatter. How I could care less at my age now to participate in their conversation. But I did when I was their age. It was expected of me or face the wave of loneliness that comes from being different from your school going peers. Be like them. Speak like them. Think like them and you will have friends. Because if you have no friends, you will be handicapped. Really? In the end, if you're lucky, you will realise that you are your own best friend and if you see the light, you will realise that Jesus should be your best friend.
When asked recently how I was. I expressed that I was in the process of getting rid of rubbish in my life. I presume some people assume I am starting to crawl under a rock. Maybe so. It takes a lot more guts than you think. If you're honest with yourself, there are probably tonnes of people in your life or tonnes of events or things in your life you could care less about but you just go with the flow because it is expected of you. So I'm happy to announce that I'm probably gonna be pissing a lot of people off. I'm gonna be throwing a lot of stuff out. This is my process of dying unto myself so that God can live in me instead.
What does it mean to get rid of the rubbish in my life? For lack of a better word; Decluttering. Decluttering humans and things. Of course, the question is, as a Christian, am I allowed to be 'dropping' people from my 'friends list' because it sounds like such an unchristian thing to do? What does God want me to do with people who are constantly unfriendly, trouble makers, no good doers or plain weird? I"m like a kid again. Do I 'friend' all of them? I find it very tiring and my heart doesn't seem to be big enough for that role. Handling their sh*t; that's where the tiredness stems from. So I battle on, this war of mine. It's not that I've grown dark. It's that I've grown light. In a sense, consider me a modern day Robin Hood.
Let me tell you that it is true. God is with you all the time. If only we stopped to spend time with Him. If only we take the trouble to walk with Him. If only we recognise it when He steps in to help us. I was feeling so tired writing my last post. Had a good chat with God and told Him exactly what I was feeling. Without my knowing, he blew the dark cloud over almost immediately. He planted a new surge of energy in me; much like having my battery recharged. I woke up refreshed. His love for me never ceases to amaze me. Much like the prodigal son, or Gretel, I have to find my way home before I get cooked by the wicked witch.
No comments:
Post a Comment