Led by the Spirit

In my family of 4 (I mean including hubs and kids), I declare myself, Chief Organiser. That means, my stress level hovers at high all the time because as Chief Organiser, I need to be logical, prompt, quick, calculative, demanding, forceful, - you get the drift. After a hard day's work at the office (where other people are Chief), I come home and feel the need to push them off their butts with my motherly comments and instructions. While I may be somewhat maverick in my parenting ways, I'm by no means nuts and I'm still completely Singaporean! That means, you won't be finding me running down the street in my birthday suit anytime soon. It also means that I may go to church and pray for God's guidance but do I really understand what it's like to be guided by Him at all? Well, I'm learning all the time that there's a first time for everything.

First off, let me tell you that if you'd told me a year ago that YOU could hear God, I'd have thought you were crazy and a fanatic, no less. So it's quite alright if you think the same of me now. However, I'd recommend anyone to start having quiet time to just listen to what God has to say to you. You'll be surprised.

In my previous post, I wrote that I'd been spending alone time with God, trying my best to listen to what He has to say to me. I do ask Him questions too and He does answer them and sometimes, I'm completely taken aback by His answers. I could never have come up with such answers myself so if you're thinking I imagined them, you're incorrect.

One day last week before the Blessed Sacrament in our church's Adoration Room I was having one of my 'conversations' with God (We don't speak audibly. Conversations are transmitted in what I would call a telepathic manner. I hear Him and I know that He hears me). Tapering to the end, He asked me if I would do Him a favour. I was nervous but I said, 'Yes'. He passed me a message for a certain household. I sensed 2 digits but I was confounded and wondered how I was supposed to go look for a house with just those 2 digits as a clue! Over the next few days in Adoration Room, I gathered another 2 digits. So I had 4 digits (apparently an HDB apartment) to go on in the whole of Singapore island. In the course of the week, whenever I happened to be driving around, I'd be on the lookout for these 4 digits but would come up with nothing.

Last weekend, Mike and I had to visit an apartment in an estate near ours. I reached the block of flats and got a shock of my life as the ground floor unit in front of me carried those 4 digits! The door was closed although I could see a curtain through the opened corridor window. I hovered outside that apartment wondering if I should 'do it' but we were late for our appointment so I left.

When we came down the block again, I went to the ground floor unit again and this time, the door was open. I peeked in the very dark flat and noticed a man sitting in front of his TV, holding what seemed like a bottle of hard liquor to his mouth. I walked away and headed back to our car with Mike, all the time wondering, should I or should I not? But I couldn't walk very far from that unit because my head was pounding and my heart was beating very fast. I recognised my usual symptoms of God's prompting. So I told Mike I had something to do and I'd meet him at the car later. Mike went to the car to wait for me.

I walked back to that unit and peeked in again. He was still drinking. Maybe he had plain water in that bottle, I don't know! But I called out to him through his apartment gate. He got up immediately and put his bottle on a side cabinet. He came to the gate. He looked to be in his late 20s or early 30s. Relatively good looking.

Seriously, I've never done this to a stranger before. Prior to this, I DID use my logic to reason that there would be no harm in the contents of the message. In fact, it would do that person good (I should add that it is in line with scripture) and that's why I was open to the idea of passing a message to a complete stranger. I looked the guy in the eye and just explained that I was Catholic and God had a message which I was supposed to pass to this particular house address. He just nodded his head. So I told him the message. His eyes grew wide and for an instant, I thought I saw a softening and sadness in his eyes, like he was about to tear. He still hadn't spoken a word. I asked him if he were a Christian and he said he wasn't. So apologetically, I told him I was sorry for having disturbed him but it was just that God had wanted me to pass him that message. His only answer to me? 'Ok'.

I walked away feeling like a goon but the pounding in my head had stopped. I got back into the car and Mike just asked, 'So? What did Jesus ask you to say? I couldn't help but burst out laughing. My hubby knows me so well! Later that evening,  I sat in Adoration Room asking Jesus if I'd passed the message to the right person. It clearly was.

I had asked God to lead and guide me, to open up my heart to Him and if making a fool out of myself is what it entails, then as scary as it may seem or as illogical to me as it seems, I'll do it. My logic in this matter? God has His reasons which I may not always understand but He totally understands us so I'll just have to learn to place my faith in Him.

Draw Me Close To You

'Draw Me Close To You' is one of my favourite worship songs.



Draw me close to you,
never let me go.
I lay it all down again,
to hear you say that I’m your friend.
You are my desire,
no one else will do.
No one else can take your place,
to feel the warmth of your embrace.
Help me find the way,
bring me back to you.
You’re all I want.
You’re all I’ve ever needed.
You’re all I want.
Help me know you are near.

Copyright 1994 Mercy/Vineyard Publishing.
(Sorry, I'm not sure who the composer is but I think it is Kelly Carpenter)

The past few weeks, I have been having a greater desire to spend alone time with the Blessed Sacrament in the Adoration Room. I just sit there in silent worship and let Him speak to me. No verbal exchange required. It's like having telepathy communication with Jesus. I cannot explain it but I know what He says and He knows what I say. I think I'm holding on to Him for dear life because I nearly totally lost this form of communication for good. I'd let my human doubts get in the way and I didn't believe that I was actually hearing Him. It was only when I had totally stopped hearing Him that I realised it hadn't been my imagination after all.

At the Healing Rally by Bob Canton, I really opened my heart to the Lord and asked for His forgiveness for even doubting Him. I asked if He would please bless me again so that I could hear Him again and He did not let me down. I feel so blessed that I'll do whatever it takes to never let this Gift go. I know, I sound like one of those ku-ku crazies but you know what, when you are so in love with Jesus, you shouldn't even worry what others will think about you, you should worry about what Jesus thinks about you. So heck. I've always been different anyway so I might as well turn it into a gift from God to glorify Him in whatever way I can!

If you want to read about the start of my faith journey, you can read it over at my other blog:

http://cartoonlagoonjoy.blogspot.com/

I started off with a separate blog for my faith journey but realised I can't separate my faith from my 'other' life because my life SHOULD be about my faith. As such, my faith journey will be documented here at this blog as well.

May 2007 - Straits Times article

Last Saturday evening, I attended the 1st Birthday of my nephew and we got talking about a number of things like primary school registration for the Birthday boy and my son's 'awkward' PSLE performance. It was then that my aunt reminded me of the newspaper article (back in 2007) she had read about us Yeos some years back. She said when she read it, she thought it was so typical of me *grin*. It's true, can't deny it; I've always been a maverick parent of sorts. I'm quite glad to stick to my guns actually.

I can't recall if I'd ever posted this online but I dug up the old newspaper article (which I'd left in my office drawer for safekeeping!). Here's the puffy eyed boy on his rollerblade and my thunderous thighs on 'his' bike (yes, a relatively kiddy height two-wheeler!). We're not sure why he was so puffy-eyed that morning of the photoshoot but we had to get up real early to prepare for the shoot and the boy was soooooo tense that the Straits Times photographer had a tough time getting him to relax whilst posing at the same time. The number of shots and awkward poses reminded me of my wedding studio shoot.

The above shot was selected after so many poses and it was a pity that none of the family pics (of all 4 of us) taken in our small garden was chosen for publication (Sorry Mike, sorry Taz). Here's the second half of the page (sorry my scanner won't take it all in and I'm too lazy to do computer magic today).

And here's a close up of the write up:

In short (yes, yes, I know I'm short), I am described as being an ATYPICAL parent who prefers my kids to have fun in school and come home all flushed and sweaty. Yep, that's me. They wrote about why I had chosen St. Gabriel's Primary School for my son. Well, I've not looked back. It was the right choice and I definitely have no regrets. They have very caring teachers there by the way. The best person to judge if the teachers are caring would be your child. Get THAT feedback from your kid, not yourself.

Grades are essential but life is not all about grades. What, of your childhood do you remember and treasure the most? The time studying? Or the time laughing and playing with your friends?

On an island full of 'kiasu' parents (parents who are frightened to lose out), I know I do not walk alone. I read in the papers recently, of a parent who was going to take his daughter, Robyn out for a year's travel right after the kid finishes her PSLE. Way to go, Robyn's Daddy! Yes! We need more parents like you!

For some time now, I've been telling my kids the very same thing. Only difference is I would need to get a windfall to fund it. Sigh. (Robyn's Daddy, would you like to fund some travelling companions?). Or perhaps there is any kind soul Gazillionaire (Mr. Gates? Mr. Gates?) out there reading this? How about funding me, Radical Mum, who would like to give my kids, my hubby and myself a year long tutorial on the subject of Life by really seeing and discovering the world? I would really like us to learn to take the road less travelled....

My kids have been hearing this for some time now and they like to joke with me by asking if I'd really do it if I were to strike the Big One in our local lottery. In fact, my son was poking fun at me about my 'near' miss for the recent Chinese New Year S$10 million Toto draw. Matching 4 out of 6 numbers gets me $30. Poles apart from S$10 miliion.

Of course I'd do it! What is it to put on hold for a year my 16 yr old daughter's GCE 'O' Levels? She might come back a better person and do much better. Or she might want to stay put in some remote village and do some charitable work instead : P

As we say in Teochew, 'tarng goo-goo'. (Wait long long). Well, it really depends on the good Lord isn't it? He might let us tour the world sooner than we think. Who knows. He never ceases to amaze me. Never say never. Meanwhile, I should stay positive, start packing my bags and think of a way to ease this piece of news gently to my lonely dogs. 

New Artwork

Here's a sampling of what I've been so busy and excited about!

I drew inspiration for my painting from a quote by British novelist and journalist, G.K Chesterton:

"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten."

My family has been very supportive of my 'alone' worktime and so far, I seem to be able to get a couple of hours to myself to paint on weeknights. It pays to have kids young. Well, not that young (I was 26) but it's kinda nice to have teen kids at this stage in my life.

My intention is to sell prints of my artwork and so I am busy compiling my work. Someone out there might appreciate the wacky, whimsical art that I fancy! I'm using the moniker FYEONA for my paintings. I've always felt weird taking on my hubby's surname and losing my own or sticking to my own and not taking on hubby's. Have you ever felt that? You want to share the same family name as your kids and all but you don't quite want to lose your identity either. So to make it simple, I'm signing off as FYEONA, a combination of Fiona and hubs' family name, Yeo!

(Please do not download a copy of my artwork without my prior permission. I'm in the process of setting up my store but meanwhile, if you REALLY, REALLY *roll eyes* must have a copy of this artwork than contact me. Thanks, heaps!)

So excited!

I'm so excited and it's definitely not about my physiotherapy session (for my knee injury - do you recall I wrote about that?) or the MRI scan, all of which I'm having later this afteroon. You can read about it in my other blog:
http://cartoonlagoonjoy.blogspot.com/2010/03/hospital-appointment.html

I've been a busy bee at night, drawing and painting. Not on shoes but on paper. In January, I gave myself several deadlines to meet to bring my art dabbling in Cartoon Lagoon to a different 'level'. I seem to be on target.

I'm still taking orders for Cartoon Lagoon's Dare-to-wear Hand Painted Shoes by the way but I'm also going into art prints.

Last night, in between looking after my 16 yr old daughter who seems to have caught a bug and placating my 13 yr old son (who wanted to doze off already but not before he'd heard the 'promised' fairy tale reading from Mother!!!), I managed to draw and paint a couple of pics. I don't want to spoil the fun until all's set and done and since it's early days yet, I'm just going to show you a sample (soon). Probably tomorrow if I can. Am waiting for them to be completely dry. But I'm sooooo excited I can't contain myself!

Meanwhile, I'm mulling over the idea of combining the blog posts from my other blog Cartoon Lagoon Joy with this one. Although I said before that I did not want to offend anyone with my personal religious views, it gets harder and harder to separate my faith from my daily life. Without my faith, I am nothing.

I feel it's alright to combine them and the time is right for me to do so. It's reality after all. I'll try to do that without offending anyone. I may lose some readers. I may lose some customers but hey, that's the way the (chocolate) cookie crumbles.

I'm not sharing my views or concerns because I need you to see what I see or need you to believe what I believe in. I'm just sharing my online diary so that someone else may feel a connection, learn from it or just feel better about themselves, the same way I do when I read others' blogs. Why else would I be posting pics of my uterus online?

PCOS update (Mar 2010)

If you recall, I'd written before about having been diagnosed with having PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Don't worry, it's nothing you can catch from me. To put it simply, I have ovaries with multiple cysts. No medical person has told me to remove them yet. I'm told to just leave them alone if they aren't causing me any discomfort. Discomfort in what sense actually? I think the biggest discomfort is in seeing my waist expand. I've always been the proud owner of a 23" or 24" waist, even when my hips and thighs were thunderous. But alas, that's gone with the wind now.

You can read more about it from my previous posts under the label 'PCOS'
http://cartoonlagoon.blogspot.com/search/label/PCOS

Anyway, at my recent visit to KKH, the doctor (the VERY young and handsome one I may add) told me (after waiting nearly 2 hours past my appointment time) that I may be having sugar control problems. Not everyone with PCOS will face the same problems or have the same symptoms. For example, I have no hair loss or hair overgrowth. I am not depressed. I don't have any 'real' problems except for my growing midriff. I'm set to take more tests in the upcoming months so meanwhile, I'm trying to do what I can to make this problem better.

I'm no doctor but I figured, if I'm having sugar control issues, then I must be facing insulin resistance. So if I can get around this insulin resistance, I'd be home free and my waist will go right down to 24" again. Right? (say yes, please).

Simplistically put, my pancreas (what? what's dat?) isn't producing as much insulin (what? what's dat again?) as I need to bring the glorious food (carbos, sugar) I put into my body to the correct body cells. If I had enough insulin, then the makan (colloquial term for food) would have been transported by the insulin to those cells (fat, liver, muscle cells) to be converted into energy. Roughly, I think it goes like this. Well, read this with a pinch of salt. I was never a good science student.

It's so UNFAIR!!! I don't even snack (much)! Truly! I eat a decent muesli bar and drink plain water for breakfast. Yes, plain water. I went from Coffee to Tea to Green Tea to Orange Juice to Plain Water. That took some years but yes, I'm down to plain water now.
For lunch, whatever I can lay my hands on at the food court (during office lunch hour) and for dinner, whatever my domestic helper cooks (which is delicious for the most part and NOT unhealthy).

Do I eat second helpings? Hardly, usually only during festivities where I feel it's being a total wet blanket to not eat MORE! Ok, ok, also when there's plenty of rice, belachan (shrimp paste chilli) or spicy chicken going around. Overall, I'm a pretty decent eater. Yet, I'm overweight.

So, to get back to the sugar control issue. I need to watch my diet seriously, especially my carbo intake. I don't want to faint so I'm not dieting drastically. Nor am I watching my diet just to be slim. I want to watch my diet because I don't want to be any sicker than my hormones are already making me. I don't want to feel bloated all the time.

Wikipedia says that the following are symptoms of Insulin Resistance (note it's Insulin Resistance I'm talking here, not PCOS symptoms):

Fatigue (yep - definitely happening to me).



Brain fogginess and inability to focus. Sometimes the fatigue is physical, but often it is mental (yep - seems to be getting worse).


High blood sugar (I won't know yet the results of more comprehensive tests I'm to take soon but my basic polyclinic test showed up ok).


Intestinal bloating. Most intestinal gas is produced from carbohydrates in the diet. Insulin resistance sufferers who eat carbohydrates sometimes suffer from gas (definitely a yes - I feel very bloated after a meal with rice and my kids will tell you to run a hundred miles away from Mother when THAT happens).


Sleepiness. Many people with insulin resistance get sleepy immediately after eating a meal containing more than 20% or 30% carbohydrates (well, not really, except on lazy Sunday afternoons).


Weight gain, fat storage, difficulty losing weight. For most people, too much weight is too much fat. The fat in IR (wat's dat???Integrated Resorts issit?) is generally stored in and around abdominal organs in both males and females. It is currently suspected that hormonal effects from such fat are a precipitating cause of insulin resistance (need I say more?).


Increased blood triglyceride levels (waaaat???).


Increased blood pressure. Many people with hypertension are either diabetic or pre-diabetic and have elevated insulin levels due to insulin resistance. One of insulin's effects is on arterial walls throughout the body (it went up for a short period but it's in the normal range for now...I think).

Depression. Because of the deranged metabolism resulting from insulin resistance, psychological effects are not uncommon. Depression is said to be the prevalent psychological symptom (not really but there are down days and which woman with hormones hasn't yet had this?).


Acanthosis nigricans (huh??? you speaka englisha?).

My next visit to the hospital will require me to take a more thorough blood test to see if I have diabetes. I don't have it running in my family but that does not mean I can't get it. I'm doing what I can to cut down on sugars and carbos. I can live without sugary drinks but I can't live without rice so that's a real punishment considering. But if I want to slim down this midriff tire, I'll have to do what it takes.

Meanwhile, I have to live with friends and relatives asking me why I have put on so much weight. How do I explain all the above without sounding rude? Ok, how about 'because I like to'?

Fairy Tales

On Saturday night, I related my badly recalled version of The Three Bears (edited 2 Mar 2010: oops! It's been so long since I've been a fairytale storytelling mum that I'd forgotten that it's actually called Goldilocks & The Three Bears. See lah!) . On Sunday night, I read out loud, Jack and The Beanstalk. To which young kid was I storytelling to? None. It was to my 13 year old son.

Public domain picture taken from compilation belonging to

http://karenswhimsy.com/public-domain-images/

Yes, much as he has had my full attention in the last few years due to his P6 PSLE, I do admit that I skipped a whole chunk of fairy tale story telling during his early childhood days. I believe this was largely due to the fact that he was not as patient, sweet or gentle a kid as his sister was. His sister, who is older by 3 years, relished our story telling. She was precocious but still, night after night, we'd repeat her favourite; The Three Bears, until she herself, by the time she was just past 1, could relate the whole story to us. Nursery rhyme and flashcard time were fun and games for her. Barney, the purple dinosaur was probably her best friend.

Not so for the the boy. I put it down to him being a boy but he was definitely more fidgety and less interested in scantily clad maidens with wings or talking animals or objects. Also Mother has to admit that by the time the boy arrived, he was already the second child and not the only child. It made a lot of difference for a working mum to cope with two.

Public domain picture taken from compilation belonging to

http://karenswhimsy.com/public-domain-images/

There was also the revolutionary onslaught of the computer, THE MOUSE and all those interesting Slyfox (edited 2 Mar 2010: oops again! I stand corrected by the boy. It's SPYfox and not SLYfox!) and Putt Putt PC games which had grabbed the attention of his grubby hands and eyes. Although the boy started speaking and reading way slower than his sister (who started talking before 1 and walking just as she turned 1), once he could read, he had dived straight into scientifically inclined books. Prodigy he is not but he was definitely turned on by facts and not fiction. He still isn't quite able to regurgitate any Nursery Rhymes and the poor boy, now that he is older and less fidgety (although still!), realises that he's got this whole chunk of childhood missing in him.

Picture of 'The Boy' taken 1999

As a parent, I am at fault. I could have tied him to his bed rails and forced the whole darn Classic Fairy Tales book down his screaming throat. Therefore, to make up for lost time, I'm reading him a classic Fairy Tale every night until he knows at least the difference between Tom Thumb and Thumbelina. Of course he can read it himself! But you and I know one can never quite replace the soothing droning of one's mother's voice as you close your eyes and be rocked to sleep with, 'Once upon a time, in a faraway land......' or 'and they lived happily ever after'.