Something happened to me last weekend. I should say some thingS because events happened both on Saturday AND Sunday. Without going into detail, I have come to realise that I have reached a personal milestone in my faith journey. It's like when you play a computer game and you've reached the end of a level and graduated to the next. I am surprised that I hadn't realised it until it came to the crunch. I didn't see it in myself until I was tested. Twice.
I was taken aback by some words on Saturday. My first reaction was one of great disappointment. I felt appalled but I felt no anger. I did not feel as emotionally shaken as I would have ordinarily felt. Instead, I felt a great sense of peace and determination. I felt no fear because I proclaimed my trust in my Lord Jesus. I felt no fear and I felt strangely strong. I told God I did not understand and that He must have His reasons but if it be His will, I would accept it. I told Mother Mary, I did not know how she did what she did (be so agreeable to trust in the Lord when the Archangel Gabriel broke the news to her!) in the face of such uncertainty but that I would not be able to do it alone. I needed her help. I needed her to cover me in her mantle of Blessings. I needed her prayers to her son, our Lord Jesus. I also begged her to let me hear some words from a person. In all gratefulness, I heard those exact words of humility the next day. You cannot imagine how my heart leapt with joy. Mother Mary hears our petitions. Make no mistake of that. Just because we do not see her, does not mean she does not see us.
Do you know why I could be so accepting of something that would probably strike fear in the hearts of men? Because if God is with me, then who can be against me?
The next day, I again was faced with something perhaps... diabolical. I cannot say for sure. Fear? No. I stood my ground in strength that I know did not come from myself. Again, I proclaimed Jesus as the Lord of my life and that as He was above everything else and because of that, there was nothing that I feared.
When did I become so fearless? I realise that it was a long journey and it has not been easy.
Do you think for a moment that people do not view me as the crazy person who keeps proclaiming the goodness of God? Do you think I don't sicken people with my witnessing by way of telling my personal testimonies? Do you think I don't make people roll their eyes because 'here she goes again'?! Do you think I will not be fodder for criticism or gossip? Yes to all of the above and more.
The question is, 'Do you think I care?'
NO. Not much anyway. Not much anymore. I have experienced a personal conversion. From there, He has worked many small miracles in my life. It does not mean that bad things do not occur once you start loving God. Who ever told you that? Who ever promised you that? Bad things WILL happen any way but with God's help, you will be able to see the silver lining amidst the dark, looming cloud.
How long more do I have on earth? I have no idea. Do you? But I do know where I want to go from here. God will be my judge, whether I will ever get to go to Heaven but at the very least, I am aiming to go there. I'm not going to be able to bring along anything. I'm not going to be able to bring along anyone. We're all going on our own so, even though I'd like to help people to get there, the truth is you'll be on your own in the end, buddy. In the meantime, in utter humility and gratefulness, I feel compelled to continue to provide personal testimony of all the goodness He has done for me. If my sharing can move you an iota in the right direction, then suffering all the eye rolling would be well worth it!
By the way, if you're reading this and just passing me off as another looney Christian who's probably a loner, wimp or nerd, let me tell you that I HAVE been a partying whachamicallit before and a few years ago, I was still saying things like, "I just want to go to church and do my own thing! Don't talk to me about God!' and "I am not the sort of person to talk about God. Religion is a personal thing".
Being loved by Christ and loving Christ is no longer a religion. It is now my faith. I sit in the palm of Jesus and I place my trust in Him (even when things don't go right).
What started as a blog about hand painted shoes has become an online journal for a simple working mother, in search of Food for the Heart, Body, Soul and Mind.
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