SVDP's Novena 2011 - I Am Who I Am

Our church's 9 day Novena leading to the Feast Day of St Vincent de Paul started last night. It was a mad rush from work and school for us but because our very own Charismatic Prayer Group was leading the Praise and Worship segment, I wanted to make sure that our family could be there to support them. I haven't been around for their meetings this year and a part of me misses that big time but the other part of me is relishing the time I have for my family. I miss being around my Charismatic 'kakis' and it was so nice to be enveloped in their warms hugs!!! I love them and what they do for others!!! It can be a thankless (from humans) job but yet, it can be the most rewarding (from God) job. As a certain Arnie S. says, "I'll be back" but I just don't know when and how.

The theme for our Novena this year is 'I Am Who I Am'.
Father William Goh spoke about origin and end last night and he hit the nail on the head when he said we should be looking after our own 'backyard'. He sort of said that if we commit too much to doing too much of other stuff (including running around doing plenty of church work) and yet can't look after our own family members, then something is very wrong. I feel that because I had stretched myself helping the Charismatic Prayer Group last year, if I had continued this year, I would not have had the time to look after my family properly. I also wanted to have more time to be with my husband. I feel guilty that I took a step back when I knew that the group was short of manpower but I also knew what I had to do for my family.

Despite the fact that my kids aren't toddlers anymore, they've still got needs and I'd like them to remember their parents as having been there for them in tiny ways. Perhaps just to make them a snack while they are mugging in their room (or pretending to mug), or just making their favourite green jello (for no apparent reason except to get a sugar overload!). I may not be a great cook but I'm certain they'll remember I tried.

God willing, I'm going to try to attend all 9 days. The last time we attended all 9 days, He worked a miracle with my son's PSLE results!!! My daughter is desperately seeking a miracle for her JC1 Promos this year. Ha ha. I'm not saying just the fact that you appear for mass all 9 days, something BIG is going to happen. That's like some occult or superstitious approach. Instead, one has got to really be sincere and call upon the Lord for blessings and to be moved by the Spirit.

Since LISS, I have carried with me, an intrinsic belief that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH THE LORD. I'm not kidding. I know many people (including people in church) wear this sentence on their lips and yet one can tell that they doubt. I do not. I don't delude myself for a second that ALL THINGS MUST GO MY WAY (oh no, I don't) but I definitely believe that with the Lord, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

It's not easy but it's somewhat like a child's innocent and naive belief in Santa Claus. Nike says, 'Just do it'. I say, 'Just believe it'. Call upon the Lord and He will be there for you, even when you think He isn't. Believe in the Lord and He will work His miracles, even if you don't understand how the cookie crumbles. Are you in trouble? Are you depressed? Are you suicidal? Do you think there is no way out? Do you feel no one loves you? Call upon, Jesus. He will lift you. I guarantee it. Although I have no doubt He can, his methods may not mean ressurrecting your dead relative or lover (because that's what a human hopes for). But He will let the light shine upon you again in a way He thinks is best for you.

Trust me. I've been through so much this year. Things have happened. I've been put to the test in my newfound (since 2009) spiritual journey with the Lord. Yet my spirit is not defeated. In fact, I feel lifted and I rejoice and I weep with joy because the Lord had shown me that He's been there with me ALL THE WAY. He has been speaking to me and I'm so grateful. It's like the new order of the mass says, I'm not worthy to have Him 'under my roof'. Yet He does not forsake me. I cannot escape Him even if I wanted to.

My God is ALMIGHTY and My God loves me. Does your God love you?