Twilight series ~ tongue-in-cheek review from Singapore

Writing this, I’m sure to incur the wrath of ‘Twilight’ series author Stephenie Meyer’s loyal fans. First off, I’d like to state that I do like the books. I like them so much that I’ve ignored my son’s homework for the past week. They are addictive.

My 15 yr old daughter snorted at me when I made her buy ‘Eclipse’, the third book in this 4-parter. She said the second book (New Moon) had become a drag and she'd found it utterly boring and nonsensical (ok, watch out, now, she’s incurred the wrath of the loyal supporters!). Why do I keep mentioning these supporters? Because if you bother to do a simple search on Google or Yahoo, you’ll find gazillions of people very much in love with Edward Cullen, Bella Swan and Jacob Black!

Ok, let me backtrack. For the ignorant or uninitiated, the Twilight series is made up of 4 books (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn) about teenage vampires and werewolves. The plot goes from something to nothing and the characters are so weak and lame that you actually very nearly believe that we have vampires and werewolves living amongst us in our HDB estates. Yep. Ironic. It all started with the author having a vampire dream. Uh-huh. It’s such simple writing that Stephenie Meyer’s laughing all the way to a bank (even if it’s a bank on the verge of collapse). I’m intent on finishing the series. I guess that makes her a good writer after all.

Let me state for a fact that I’ve devoured enough romance novels in my lifetime to be quite a romance novel expert. I can junk a book within the first 3 pages. It has to be good writing to make me carry on. I had shelves and shelves of second hand germs sitting in my home till I had to throw them out to make way for my kids' stuff. Second hand because my romance novel appetite grew too big to be sustained purely through new purchases and I ended up being a great patron of second hand bookstores. I could finish a Mills and Boons in a couple of hours. There was a time in my life when I thought only a Mills and Boons guy would do. People who are familiar with what I mean would understand the emotions which the following words invoke :

“His dark steely eyes stared intently at her. He grasped her with one swift stroke and pulled her tightly towards her, blatantly ignoring her gasps as his arousal became apparent.”

(Hey, I just came up with that so it’s copyrighted. Hands off!)

I grew up on that. Many of us did. Well, the image of a typical Mills and Boons guy has sorta become distorted over the years as I’ve grown older and my expectations of a guy, well……I’ve grown kinder.

Anyhow, there are basic ingredients to a good romance and Stephenie Meyer’s smart. She’s good with descriptive writing and when I read, I am totally immersed and transported to the dense forest, dark clouds looming above, light rain falling endlessly on the huge dense canopy. I imagine I’m Bella and Edward’s come to stare grippingly into my eyes. His being cold to the touch does nothing to douse out my desires.

However, Stephenie (if I may be so bold as to call her that) really needs to brush up on better characterization. What the heck does Bella have that I don’t??? I still can’t tell after 2 books. In a good romance novel, the female protagonist’s allure is immediately made known at the beginning so you know why the guy’s after her after all. Having said that, the Twilight series is still a worldwide phenomenon that isn’t going away.

Oh by the way, my kids love the Harry Potter books. I tried several times but just couldn’t make it past page 3. That pretty sums up something doesn’t it? I’m a sucker for love. Make that a blood sucker. Slurrppp!

N.B: I won a gold diamond pendant in a Mills and Boons contest eons ago (First Prize) ~ so don't go doubting my prowess in romance novels! Hah!